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May Day [12 May 2005|12:44am]
The DUP got so many seats this election, and Sinn Fein... the two most extreme parties. What were people thinking. How are we ever to have peace in this little island if people keep on fighting for inflammatory rhetoric... The only comfort is that both Paisley and Adams are strongly for the rights of the unborn, thank God. I suppose that the slaughter of people with bombs and guns pales only in significance to the millions who perish every year in America in their mothers wombs- each one a fully potential-filled person, each one with a potential family tree and life all of their own. If only the world could see through God's eyes.

To ease my stress with exams my mum booked me in for an aromatherapy massage... it was gorgeous. So different having someone's hands on me for another reason apart from the physical therapy to bring up the mucus from my lungs. She used grapefruit and lavender and geranium oils and spent ages working on all the knots in my shoulders which I've been developing from writing reams of notes. Afterwards we went for cakes at an old fashioned tea shop, I had home made lemonade. Everyone seems so desperate to be modern these days and I can't help but wonder why, when traditional life can be so peaceful and fulfilling. I want nothing more than a husband I can stand by and support in the best way I can as a woman, and several kids (that God would bless me with, or I'd adopt if necessary). I'm not afraid to wear an apron, and I don't mind someone paying for my dinner if I can cook for them next time!

I just can't get these timelines for the Korea and Vietnam wars right in my head. All the presidents blur into one... help! It seems like the revision never ends and my hands are freckled with blue ink and highlighter splodges. I think I should go to bed soon.
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Electioneering [05 May 2005|12:49pm]

I bought a second-hand copy of a guide to holidaying in Paris, and now I think I'm deeply, deeply in love :)

Haven't got much time left of my lunch break before my next lesson and my dad always seems to be on the internet at home, but I hope everyone on my friends list is doing well!

To tell the truth, I'm almost terrified of the election today. I know that none of the parties are much like what I wish would govern the UK... I think I'm going to vote for McGimpsey, just as my parents always do (Ulster Unionist candidate) as I just can't stomach Ian Paisley. I think he preaches hate rather than tolerance, and calling Catholic church the "whore of Babylon"?.

More later!
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The little wings are on the birds... [30 Apr 2005|03:13pm]

I really want to make daisy chains, the weather is just begging for that sort of behaviour :)

I made a lemon drizzle cake and quiche and we're going for a late afternoon picnic in about half an hour- should be wonderful. My doggy will get a chance to have a really good run as well- he does get excited when we take him to a different part of the countryside! All those new smells must be terribly exciting!

I'm reading Mansfield Park right now, and I'd forgotten what a wonderful novel it is. Mmmmm!
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Paris In The Summertime [26 Apr 2005|02:46pm]
The last ten days have been a bit hectic and muddled- on starting back at school I came down with a minor infection which would have made anyone else cranky and a little headachey but left me totally exhausted because of my lungs. Not what I need with my exams so close, we can only hope that I have had my fair ration of illness for the summer!

I also found out I need a surgery on my port-a cath but we're leaving that til I'm through with my exams. I am developing oh so attractive blisters on my fingers from all the notes I am taking (which I do in sparkly pink and purple pen to cheer myself up). Next on my shopping list is some Burts Bees Banana & Beeswax hand cream so I'm not left with gnarled claws by the end of june!

On a happier note, the fashions for this spring/summer seem to be wonderfully modest, which makes me a very pleased girl. Surely I can't be the only girl under thirty who doesn't like to show ten inches of thigh when I put on a skirt! I'm looking out for some really pretty flared fifties skirts in cotton prints, maybe sequinned Indian style like Natasha Bedingfield in the "These Words" video. They should be both chic and cool for if we end up going to Paris this summer. My mum still wants to go somewhere she can sun bathe though- yuck! I hate frying in the sun like a slice of bacon! I think my dad has a more thoughtful holiday idea planned out though- I really want to see the orangery at Versailles.

Thank you, everyone, for all the support I've had on livejournal-with my illness, with chastity, with Christ. It has really touched me.
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Let them eat cake! [12 Apr 2005|01:27am]
My lungs were quite bad today, I hope I am not coming down with something. It terrifies me, being ill... it is so hard to explain to someone who hasn't had respiratory disease how it feels to struggle to breathe. It is like heavy, heavy chains have been attatched to my chest and every breath I take I am hauling them up. The hospitals too- I am fluent in the language of hospitals. Young people I know have passed away from this, fading and shrinking. Please God keep me healthy, I pray. Please.

I've been too tired to do much because of my breathing so I'm trying to get some rest and relax at home reading some of the books to help with my course next year. Revision just seems so close it scares me, so I'm trying to distract myself.

I think I'll make some fairy cakes today, with pink and green pastel icing and love hearts on the top! Anything to cheer me up, and I have such a sweet tooth :)
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The blushing bride [10 Apr 2005|06:40am]

She looked so elegant and beautiful. Welcome to our Royal family, Camilla.

I am glad he has made an "honest woman" out of her at last. I wish they'd only been allowed to wed in the beginning. All the accounts say she was deemed unsuitable because not a virgin, but how hypocritical is that? Christ has the power to endow us with purity, through the process of rebirth. Just think of all the heart ache that would have been saved had others not interfered here. Not many love affairs last 35 years these days, after all...

Congratulations to the couple!
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"Today is the greatest day I've ever known..." [09 Apr 2005|08:26am]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

I'm up early today, my dog jumps up at my knee to lick my hand good morning, and his tin feeding bowl clatters so satisfactorily against the tan tiles of our kitchen floor. There is a dim chill to the outisde air which our Rayburn stove innoculates against, I wash my hands under the tap with goats milk soap and dry them on a tea towel (checkered blue and white) which hangs on the oven rail. Today feels so wholesome- new, like just-washed cotton.

This island holds so much hate to it, but so much wonder, when the sun is golden against the vivid green of the fields. My fields. Here we are lucky to be wealthy enough to have acres for the cost of what- not even half a studio flat in London or such a place. There is so much good here.

Sun streams through the kitchen window and I can feel it coaxing the freckles out of my milk-white skin.

God is here, I really think.

Today I'm going to pull on my hand-painted wellington boots (a concession to frivolousness!) and weed our kitchen garden, pulling out the plants we find irrelevent. I think that God's laws are like weeds- sometimes, if you think hard about them, it is difficult to understand why daffodils are expected to cheer us into smiles with their springtime yellow, while dandelions are ripped out. It is hard to see the way that weeds spread, cast their network of roots beneath the soil where we cannot see them. It is difficult sometimes to do the right thing, to keep the desires of our flesh beneath the skin where it belongs until marriage. Why marriage? Why not the third date? Sex is sex, yellow flowers are yellow flowers, and yet dandelions will take over the garden and choke the other flowers where we cannot see them. God has chosen this path for gardens, for relationships, for ourselves.

Today I will pull the deceitful dandelions out of the rich earth and try and keep my mind as pure as my garden.

I hope it is just as beautiful where you are.

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Imelda... [07 Apr 2005|03:10am]

Ok, so I think I'm going to buy these with the rest of my birthday money. What do y'all think?
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Ponderings. [07 Apr 2005|01:26am]

I've been feeling a bit depressed recently about things. The death of Terri really took it out of me... there just didn't seem enough evidence that she would have wanted to die. The questions it raises about the American medical system hurt me more, though- we care so much about her because she had medical costs to cover her treatment, while so many others die prematurely.

On the abortion debate community yesterday someone said it was justified to abort a CF baby because the medical bills would be so high and the child would suffer from the lack of treatment. That just sucks. She says I'm in a "privelaged position" but I don't know if I am. Am I "privelaged" because if I shoplift I won't have my hand cut off like in Iran? No, I don't see that as "privelage", I see that as common decency, and just the same, I see it as common decency that my parents wouldn't be pressurised to abort me because of a lack of medical funds. It is totally sick that I would be denied my flushes, antibiotics and treatments because people didn't have insurance. So many medical things go wrong with kids though, and I do see it as irresponsible perhaps that people would put themselves in a position where they'd have risky sex if they weren't insured for a potential child. I guess people act on impulses, though.

Personally I won't screen for CF in my children- I don't see it as enough of a negative thing to go through IVF (even if I wasn't against IVF morally). I really believe in letting things take their course. CF has shaped me in so many ways, good and bad, I think I'm a more patient person for my condition. Even if I'm still not sure about my own fertility, I worry about that so much. Mum doesn't want me to look into it yet cause she says it isn't appropriate seeing as I'm just eighteen and single still! It is on my mind so much though, I get all clucky. I'd rather not adopt, I'm sentimental about seeing my husband and my features blending in someone if that is at all possible and I guess when I've always known my ability to get pregnant was doubtful that has made me more determined to take advantage if I am ok.

I keep trying to revise and I'm too distracted. I think I need to be happier to be able to concentrate properly. Vietnam just makes me feel sick, all the wasted bodies and horribleness.

Tomorrow I think I'll look into volunteering at a charity shop- I guess every little bit helps :)
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(I posted this in the True Love Waits community too) [05 Apr 2005|09:14pm]
[ mood | confused ]

When did everyone start thinking of themselves as people who wanted to live a chaste life til marriage? Was it something you always knew, or something you came to discover later? Have you been reborn a virgin through Christ?

Personally my parents were quite liberal as I was growing up, so I wasn't pushed either way, although my Mum especially always encouraged me to have self respect. Just when I was about to reach puberty, though, my church youth group started to discuss the issues of purity. I realised that I felt it was my duty to stay pure for my future partner, and it was what God wanted for me. The images of women with no clothes on almost in adverts and magazines really made me feel uncomfortable- I wanted to have more pride in myself than that! Now I'm eighteen I feel even stronger in my choice.

Now I wear a silver ring on my marriage finger to remind me that True Love Waits after I read about American teens doing the same thing. I also try and dress quite modestly, not *too* far, but skirts to my knee etc.

Sometimes I get frustrated that it seems so many young people seem so dedicated to their purity in the big movements in America when there is far less of it over here (I live in Northern Ireland). I have friends at church but they seem less dedicated to staying chaste than I am. Sometimes the temptation is tough- I just want to feel normal!

Does anyone else share these concerns too? I'd love to hear from and talk with people, I'm so new to this livejournal site and I feel a bit overwhelmed...


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Let's see if I can make this work... [05 Apr 2005|08:15pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Testing, testing...

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